In an unbelievable story, the government had been exploring multiple different planets in search of extraterrestrial life. Most missions were to of no avail, however, one mission in particular overwhelmed and certainly confused military mission planners. ON a Plotted exploration mission to Planet 6913, Forever known now as, Planet FRISKIES, Navy Seals and Delta force were sent in via the Stargate to observe, retrieve, and return with any useful information about planet 6913. Once, through the Stargate, mission control operators observed a very bizarre and perplexing planet. It almost appeared as though there were no vegetation on the planet, but merely Cat Towers made of Old Carpet, blanketing the entire foreseeable environment before their very eyes!
Expecting some foliage, the team explored the material and rubbed up against it with their backs to make sure that this was… YES…it indeed WAS Old Brown Carpet and that there were holes to run in and out of and the Navy Seals ran up and down each tower to get better vantage points and apparently just to have fun at the same time when all of a sudden…they saw what the future held for them!! Parachuting Cats with PLASMA WEAPONS FALLING FROM THE HEAVENS!!
The Mission Commander screamed the command to “FIRE”, however, their fire simply seemed to have no affect on these cute little bundles of fur and the bullets seemed to bounce right off of the very CUTENESS!!! Needless to say, more and more parachuted in by air and then INFANTRY began to bum rush the team on the ground by the few at first and then one Seal on top of the Cat tower screamed, “THERE’S MILLIONS OF THEM!!! AND THEY’RE SUPER CUTE!!! RUN FOR IT!!! WE DON’T STAND A CHANCE!!!”
The Team appeared to have no option but to retreat back into the Stargate and return home before another Bundle of Cuteness could make its way through the gate. The Team was certain that if one of these lovable creatures made it through the gate and women heard about them, that it would be all over for the human race. That NO woman would want to date anymore men because they would simply want to Adopt ALL of these DAMN CATS!! Or LEAVE EARTH COMPLETELY and go to Planet 6913 FOREVER!!
Luckily, the team made a MAD DASH towards the gate and made it safely through back to Earth without difficulty and without company from Planet FRISKIES and reported the situation to their commander. Stargate Command reported that this must never be discussed with anyone and anyone that did so would be punished by being sent back to FRISKIES for ALL of their DAYS. BUT!!! There was a problem with this plan! One of the Soldiers noted that there were detailed instructions of Incursion plans set for EARTH by these cute little furballs!! and that there were not only Millions, but the monitored displayed Massive Weaponry of Tanks, Aircraft, and Infantry in the BILLIONS!!!
Armed with this knowledge the Commander had only one option. To call in the CRAZY CAT LADIES!!! He knew that the only way to a Cat’s Heart would be through the loving touch of a Crazy Cat lady and that this MIGHT be the only way to diffuse their ANGST towards Humans and put an end to this war once and for all.
The Commander called Every ANIMAL Adoption Center within the Tri State Area and had them all come to the Stargate command and sign Non-Cat-Retrieval Agreements so that NONE of them would bring BACK a cat to the facility or to Earth thus endangering it. Cat Ladies POURED in by the Millions merely within the tri state area, which was only populated by 5 million people making at least almost ALL of the FEMALES in the TRI State area a CRAZY CAT LADY and we couldn’t have been HAPPIER!! We needed ALL of the WOMAN POWER we could send through that gate!!
As Ladies suited up armed with Tuna, lazer pointers, Catnip, and fake mice dangling from a string and stick, their bravery and servitude to Cat and Country SHONE through that day and it was a true honor to be amongst such WARRIORS!! As they took step after step through the watery pool of the gate one could almost smell the allergies and litter box scent wafting through, but nonetheless, these brave souls continued their mission and journey into the furry unknown.
Radio comms were kept and checked in every 15 minutes. Reports of Cats jumping after the lazer pointers by the Millions poured in. Happy Felines for miles were seen getting drugged on Catnip and falling asleep by the millions as well. Some of the Felines were reported to be 7 feet tall while other were reported to be as small as squirrels and ALL of them seemed to have COMPLETELY full bellys of tuna and any ounce of fight, aggression or malice towards Earth disappeared as these Ladies rubbed their bellies and snuggled each one of the BILLIONS of CATS to sleep. It’s Estimated that EACH WOMAN was outnumbered 30 to 1 and the Cats were simply no match for the Cat Ladies ability to love each and every one of them.
Trade and Commerce were set up over the next few weeks and The Cats sent through their weaponry and remedies for Cat Allergies here on Earth to the Delight of Millions of Crazy Cat Ladies WORLDWIDE and the world seemed to become a better place. All we had to send in return was more Ladies to rub their bellies and feed them Friskies.
In the end it was a WIN/WIN for both sides and the Cats weaponry saved us from one particular problem…dating the crazy cat ladies!!! LOL…in all seriousness. We all love you Feline Lovers. This article is dedicated to you. Thanks for loving all of the cats. And giving us allergies…
Until next time… Take care of Your Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Health. Follow your Hobbies, Passions, Goals and Dreams and, as always, continue to Question the Universe Around YOU! LOCKDOWN UNIVERSE!!…OUT!